My Soul Shall Burnie

2004-08-22T16:50:00.000-04:00

Day 129 18:5

TODAY'S THE DAY

You ever finally get there? And so, dear friends, this is the dawning of a new age and the end of an epoch. Within the next 24 hours i will be, please God, on a plane to the holy land, to learn truth. i just want to wish everyone here much success in their own seeking of truth. Learn! i hope to continue el-blogo in Israel, maybe less frequently, but still going.

Ufduyei Hashem Yeshuvun, uva'u tzion b'rinah.

those redeemed by God will return, and will come to Israel in JOY

2004-08-17T09:01:00.000-04:00

Day 123, 17:5

Proof and Doubt

You ever gave a conversation that completly blows you off your feet? A friend and I went out for tea, and he's recently starting to progress in the sinaitic direction. I thought he was going to ask me about keeping shabbat, or dealing with parents. Nope, we had a long discussion on should he just drop everything. It was very intense. I could tell he was not liking the answers i was giving. It made me realize that i myself don't have hardcore proof of the Torah. I have always asserted that belief in God stems very little from intellectual proof, although logic and ration are certainly factors. We discussed a little, and in the end, and he said he really enjoyed what i said (although, as noted earlier, i think he was just saying it to be polite). There was no closure. I didn't have one last good lasting, solid point.

All this made me realize how much more work i need in two major areas: 1, answering questions effectively, 2, proof in God.

It's odd. it hasn't even crossed my mind to stop being observant, and yet i'm deep in doubt right now in the accuracy of torah. weird.

2004-08-15T17:46:00.000-04:00

Day 121 17:2

Giddy

You ever feel giddy? So giddy? I am very giddy-gid-giddy! Israel in 8 days, hey, Israel in 8 days! Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha, Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha! I hope to continue bloggin' in Israel, maybe not as frequently, maybe more, maybe a little more holier, maybe not. It's good to be giddy. Be giddy.

2004-08-11T20:21:00.000-04:00

Day 117 16:5

ANNOUNCEMENT

All are invited to Shalosh Seudos at the BAYT (613 clark) on Aug. 21st to come hear me, Aaron, finish all of mishna and give a little speech type thingy. 8:00 PM. bring your friends. please. It would mean a lot to me.

2004-08-09T21:39:00.000-04:00

Day 115, 16:3

Weird Emotions

You ever feel really sad without feeling anything at all? My best friends just moved to Israel today, and, although I'm going to see them in two weeks, I feel like i have just removed a big chunk of my life. But i actually also feel indifferent at the same time. I'm the most emotional non-emotional person I know! confused? me too. see, i don't cry, or don't get really upset or bothered, i don't have huge breakdowns, I'm not really sensitive, and yet, i always feel very emotional charged. its really weird.

2004-08-01T08:37:00.000-04:00

Day 109, 15:4

BIG BIG PLANS

You ever get really excited over a new project you're undertaking? I just decided to accomplish a major (secret) goal before August 23, D-Day (departure). I am so excited and pumped and filled with adrenalin to finish my mission. Big plans underway. Let's just say that if you are going to be in the GTA on shabbos afternoon, the 20th, keep your plans open...wink wink. Okay, never mind the winking.

2004-07-27T23:06:00.000-04:00

Day 102, 14:4

PARADIGM SHIFT

You ever have your entire life change in the course of five minutes? I've been bloggin' recently about my recent listlessness, anxiety and depression. Today was the saddest day on the Jewish calendar and it has been 2,000 years and 3 weeks in the making. However, when i prayed the evening prayers tonight and finished the fast, my entire world reversed. I couldn't help smiling. I wanted to dance. I feel so much new energy and life. Think not that external behaviours mean nothing to the inner kernel of soul. When you act sad, you become sad; when you act happy, you become happy. Thanks to the almighty who has re-granted us the gift of simcha. Now that 9th of av, the saddest day, is over, we can prepare for the 15th of av, 1 of the happiest days.

You rock, aybishter.

2004-07-25T19:44:00.000-04:00

Day 100, 14:2

CELEBRATING 100 DAYS!!!

You ever feel like you have reached the end of an epoch? My life as I have known is ending. Childhood ended on the first day of high school, and Youthood will end, please God, on Aug 23. My best friends are moving to Israel this summer, I have finished high school, my youngest brother will be bar-mitzvahed, and I will move continents. I'm somewhat saddened by this, but excited for a golden new age to start. My job leaves me little room to be emotional or bothered by this, but when I come home at nights I feel like someone who is getting on the plane to go home from vacation: it was fun while it lasted, but i must return to reality. I will soon embark on my voyage to reality. Partly from my dull (although enjoyable) job, partly from my own listlessness, I'm not quite my usual self lately. I need to digest 4 years of Youthood. I'm still trying to find spiritual TUMS.

FLY AWAY HOME!

2004-07-21T00:14:00.000-04:00

Day 96, 13:5

Time

You ever realize just how important time is? I mean, the comedy network's motto is "time well wasted". Obviously, such is impossible. one cannot waste time well. Time is the one thing you can never get back. You can get more money if you make a foolish purchase, you can diet if you eat too much, you can study harder next time if you flunk a test, but you can never ever reclaim lost time. This frightens me very much. Rav Avigdor Miller, zt"l, says that wasting time is a form of suicide. yeek!

All who have suggestions, venture forth. How do i make the most of my time? How do i put an end to my wasting of time?

2004-07-17T22:36:00.000-04:00

Day 93, 13:2

Chickening Out

You ever been really pshyched for something but then get afraid at the last moment? So, please God, I am going to Israel next year to learn in Yeshiva. This is the tachlis, or the final goal, of 3.5 years of High School. But now I'm afraid. I'm afraid that it might not meet my expectations. I'm afraid that I'm not going to properly take advantage of my time there. You see, I've told myself for a long while next year I'm going to push myself to learn like never before. But I'm afraid I'll sink back into my regular routine. Be my worries a message to all: don't think you'll change overnight. Or can you?

2004-07-12T16:02:00.000-04:00

Day 89, 12:5

Polytheism, Orgies and Professional Sports

You ever been really, really shocked and horrified by mainstream polytheism? I was reading in the newspaper yesterday that there is a group of 10,000 Grecians who want to reignite the olympics with the Ancient Greek customs. They want the games played naked. They want tributes to Zeus. They want philosophical discussions complete with atheistic rant.

Their claim: The games are too christianized. Profiteering and materialism rule the games. They want the "pure" Grecian format.

They are absolutely right that western culture has subdued the original goals of the games and that the games were orginally christian. Now that christianity has lost its authority on the world, people have gone back to their true god: money. But this group wants to bring back hard-core avodah zarah, Zeus and Athena complete with the orgies. Seriously, hard-core ancient idol worship.

This is why lefty, "there is no such thing as morals" and "each person has the right to decide for themselves" are dangerous. Ervah and Avodah Zarah (sexual immorality and heathenism) don't mean a thing to them - 2 of the 3 worst things one can do (and if they sacrifice a virgin, all 3 things) are considered noble goals to what the paper calls "greek nationalism".

When incest is a national goal (heaven forbid)... you know its time to bring back fascism.

I'm really not a stone-throwing fascist.

2004-07-08T11:55:00.000-04:00

Day 86, 12:2

1 omer away!

Bitul Zman

You ever feel like your letting life pass you by? So, I've started my first job, and I feel like i've lost my hold on time. I wake up at 7:00, pray, scarf down breakfast, and am at work for 8:30. Work ends usually at 6:30-7:30. When I get home I just want to go to sleep. But I don't. I relax and then I eat something, go to shul, and when I come back I just want to sleep. My life is a circle of doing nothing. I have 1.5 days off a week and I'm middling them away.

Recently I received some great advice though, all those struggling with listlessness resulting in depression: make a schedule. Although nerdy at first, if you build a schedule based on realism with a tinge of idealism (i.e., don't schedule a 4:30 am wakeup to watch the sunrise, but do schedule 15 minutes of day of introspection), you will know what to do each minute and will acheive. Today I made my schedule for next week. I start tomorrow.

Good luck all.

2004-06-30T19:38:00.000-04:00

Day 79, 11:2

Valedictory Speech part 2

You ever...see previous blog

come on, you knew there had to be a hebrew part!

free translation (original available upon request):

Mr. Levine relateda lovely story on Israel's Independance Day, Yom Haatzmaut, which strpngly applies to us as graduates. There was a young man who liked a young girl. All he wanted to do was please her. She deeply yearned for a certain rare, expensive flower. He sought far and wide, and exausted much of his money and his self to obtaining this flower. Finally, he discovered the flower and returned with it to his now not-so-young lady. She saw a much older, withered, dilapidated man return with her favourite flower. She cried. He asked, "Why do you cry?" To which she responded, "Because it took so much out of you!" to which he responded, "But if you don't smile, it wasn't worth it in the first place." We stand here tonight somewhat more tired and aged than whence we came. But if we cry about leaving, about saying bye to friends, about leaving a great institution and epoch of our lives, and don't smile, that it wasn't worth it in the first place. If we think the point of graduating was just to get through, without inherit meaning, than we have failed. If you aren't smiling now, it wasn't worth it.

2004-06-24T20:32:00.000-04:00

Day 74, 10:4

Valedictory Address

(this is take 2, the last one errored and got deleted)

You ever realize those moments just before sleep where thoughts are flying in and out of your head are the best of your life? Don't get me wrong, Matt spoke well. But this speech arose in my head and bloggin' is about telling the word your (useless) thoughts.

It's very weird to be "finishing" high school. From a Jewish perspective, education's very nature is endless. The mishna says, "torah has no shiur" or "limit", meaning, no specific amount to fulfill. It's endless. If it had an end, the commandment would be to finish. But that's not the mitzvah, the mitzvah is to do as much as you can. That's the biggest difference between high school and real education. High school consists of you knowing as much as possible. The government assigns a limit, and you must finish as much as possible. But torah is not about knowing, rather learning. If it was finite, it would not be a mitzvah. The learning is the mitzvah, each one to his ability, not in the knowing. Torah is explosive and dynamic. Each day new Torah is written, each day it changes a little. This explains the story of Moses in the class of Rabbi Akiva. Moses doesn't understand a word. He's confused, to say the least. But a student asks Rabbi Akiva where the source for a certain law was, to which the Rabbi responded, "Moses taught us this". Moses, of course, new the laws of kashrut and shabbat, so how could he not understand the lesson? He didn't know about the microwave and the lightbulb. Our job here is to learn as much as possible. Graduation is about ending the period of knowing, and starting the epoch of learning.

2004-06-15T23:12:00.001-04:00

Day 66, 9:3

You ever work at a weirdo-prone store? So, today I'm at work at the Judaica Store. Its sort of busy, and there's a line up of about three or four people at the cash. So, I finish with one, and then a second. The third comes up. Oriental, probably late 20's, wearing a very bright white skirt, and green shirt. I will detail the conversation with my thoughts in italics.

"hello" don't get many of you guys in this store

in a pleasant, made for TV, soothing voice: "hi, you look busy today"

"yeah, you know" well, thank you. I hadn't noticed

"can you take this?" who's me? the store, or my self?

me gives puzzled look - she gives 3 * 5 pamphlet on newsprint

"this is for you" there's no such thing as a free pamhplet. what's she up to?

"thanks"

"have a great day" missionary?

I look at the pamphlet, and it says on the cover something like "family harmony". So i'm thinking, maybe she's this hardcore child activist and wants to alleviate the working burdens of a 17 who should be in school with abusive parents. Oddly enough, I really enjoy where I am and wouldn't dream of leaving.

I get home. I open it up. Quotes from the New Testament. When will the missionaries learn? If you want to get the Jews, you need FOOD!

2004-06-10T09:34:00.000-04:00

Day 62 8:6

Dancing

You ever realize a really really stark contrast? So, everyone had a gay old time vomiting all over themselves at afterprom and now its the morning after (somewhat, okay, its the week after, nu). Thank God, there were two weddings last week that I attended. I went for myself, really, to see the difference between torah dancing and ...other dancing. Its funny I say go for myself, because, most people go to dance for themselves, no? That's the beauty - torah dancing is never for the self. its too honour shabbat, a bride and groom, a scholar, God, but never just because. that's what makes its so much better the morning after.

If you'd like to participate in more such dancing, the next wedding coming up of someone I know is Ari Huberman's sister, wed june 16, 6:30, BAYT. come. bring friends. no invitation required. no joke.

2004-06-02T10:23:00.000-04:00

Day 55, 7:6

You ever want to blog, but then don't? okay, way too much to say today and way too tired. so, as promised, the shavuot source sheet.

Good Lying – הצדיק השקרן
1. מסילת ישרים לרב משה חיים לוצאטו, פרק י"א. ותראה שלא אמר "מדבר שקר תשמר", אלא "מדבר שקר תרחק", להעיר אותנו על ההרחק הגדול והבריחה הרבה שצריך לברוח מזה...וחז"ל אמרו "חותמו של הקב"ה אמת." ובודאי שאם האמת הוא מה שבחר הקב"ה לקחתו לחותמו כמה יהיה הפכו מתועב לפניו.

2. תלמוד בבלי, סנהדרין צ"ז ,א. רב טביומי אי הוו יהבי ליה כל חללי דעלמא לא הוה משני בדבוריה. זימנא חדא איקלעי לההוא אתרא וקושטא שמיה ולא הוו משני בדיבורייהו ולא הוה מיית איניש מהתם בלא זימניה. נסיבי איתתא מינהון והוו לי תרתין בנין מינה. יומא חד הוה יתבא דביתהו וקא חייפא רישה. אתאי שיבבתה טרפא אדשא סבר לאו אורח ארעא אמר לה 'ליתא הכא'. שכיבו ליה תרתין בנין. אתו אינשי דאתרא לקמיה. אמרו ליה 'מאי האי?' אמר להו הכי הוה מעשה. אמר ליה 'במטותא מינך פוק מאתרין ולא תגרי בהו מותנא בהנך אינשי'.

3. תלמוד בבלי, כתובות ט"ז, ב. תנו רבנן: כיצד מרקדין לפני הכלה? בית שמאי אומרים כלה כמות שהיא, ובית הלל אומרים כלה נאה וחסודה.

4. ריטב"א, כתובות ט"ז, ב, ד"ה כיצד מרקדין. יזכור דבר נאה שבא דלא סגיא שלא יהיה בה שום דבר נאה, ובית הלל אומרים ישבחנה לגמרי כי שמזכירין דבר אחד של שבח בלבד גנות הוא לשאר גופה.

5. תלמוד בבלי, בבא מציעא פ"ז ,א. תנא דבי רבי ישמעאל גדול שלום שאפילו הקב"ה שינה בו.

6. תלמוד בבלי, בבא מציעא כ"ג ,ב. בהני תלת מילי עבידי רבנן דמשנו במלייהו: במסכת, ובפוריא, ובאושפיזא.

7. מדרש תנחומא, שמות כ"ח. אמת זה משה, שלום זה אהרון.
8. תלמוד בבלי, סנהדרין ק"י ,א. משה ותורתו אמת.
9. משנה, אבות, א, י"ב. הוי מתלמידיו של אהרן אוהב שלום ורודף שלום.

10. תלמוד בבלי, שבת ק"ד ,א. שקר מקרבן מיליה, אמת מרחקא מיליה. שיקרא שכיח, קושטא לא שכיח... שיקרא אחדא כרעיה קאי, ואמת מלבן לבוניה. קושטא קאי, שיקרא לא קאי.

11. שו"ת יביע אומר חלק ב-אבן העזר סימן ב. מי שנכשל עם אשת איש ובא עליה ברצונה באופן שנאסרה לבעלה, ובא לחזור בתשובה, אם חייב להודיע לבעלה בכדי שיפרוש מן האיסור... יכולים להקל שלא להודיע לבעל האשה.

12. מורה נבוכים לרמב"ם, ספר א' חלק ב'. כי בשכל יבדיל האדם בין האמת והשקר, וזה היה מצוי בו בשלמותו ותמותו. אבל הטוב והרע הוא במפורסמות לא מושכלות...לא היה לו כח שמתעסק במופרסמות כלל ולא השיגן, עד שאפילו היותר מפורסמות במדות לגנאי, והיא גלוי עריות, לא היה זה רע בעיניו ולא הרגיש את גנותו. וכאשר חטא ונטה אחרי תאוותיו הדמיונות ותענוגות חושיו הגופניים כמו שאמר 'כי טוב העץ למאכל ותאווה הוא לעיניים' נענש שנשללה ממנו אותה ההשגה השכלית ולפיכך המרה את צווי אשר מחמת שכלו נצטווה בו ונקנית לו השגת המפורסמות ושקע בהבחנת טוב ורע.

13. נתיב השלום למהר"ל, פרק א'. אם תסיר ה'א' מן אמת אך שה'א' הוא אחד בלבד, נעשה ממנו מת הפך מאמת... הוא יתברך אחד ואין שני, לפיכך חותמו של הקב"ה אמת כי אין דבר שהוא אחד רק האמת הוא אחד, ואי אפשר שיהיה האמת שנים... רב טביומי הוא שכלי ואינו חמרי שהוא אינו משנה בדיבורו ומי שהוא כך הוא מגיע למדריגת האמת...כי כל אדם אף שיש לו מדריגה זאת אי אפשר שיהיה נשאר דבק שם ולא יהיה מסולק ממנה בעבור כי האדם אי אפשר לו שלא יהיה משנה ומחליף האמת.

Based on ideas from Rabbi Carmi Ingber, Jerusalem.

1. It does not say “guard from lying words”, rather “distance from lying words”, to awaken us to the great distancing and tremendous withdrawal needed to escape it…and our Rabbis said, ‘The seal of God is truth’. Certainly if truth is the device God took as his seal, how abominable its opposite must be to him.

2. Rabbi Tuvyomi was a man that even if one gave him the world filled with gold he would not alter his speech (from truth). One time he traveled to a placed named Kushta, and there no one would alter his speech nor die before his time. He married a woman who came from there and had two sons with her. One day she was at home washing her hair when her neighbour came and enquired after her. He thought it would be improper to divulge her actions and replied that she was not home. His two sons died. The people of the place approached and asked, “What is this?” He said to them what had occurred. They replied, “Leave us and do not bring death to our people.”

3. The Rabbis taught: How does one describe the bride? Beit Shammai says the bride is as she is, and Beit Hillel says she is beautiful and pleasant.

4. He should mention a beautiful feature about her, for it cannot be that she lacks anything beautiful. And Beit Hillel says he should praise her entirely, for when one mentions one nice thing only, she is ashamed over the rest of her body.

5. The school of Rabbi Yishmael taught: peace is great, for even God altered (truth) for it.

6. In these three matters the Rabbis alter their words: tractate, bed and host.

7. Truth is Moses, peace is Aaron. 8. Moshe and his Torah are truth. 9. Be of the students of Aaron loving peace and pursuing peace.

10. ‘Falsehood’ the letters are close, ‘truth’ the letters are far. Falsehood is nearby, Truth is not nearby. ‘Falsehood’ stands on one leg, and ‘truth’ is built up. Truth lasts, falsehood does not last.

11. One who sinned with a consenting married woman in such a way that she became prohibited to her husband, and has come to repent, must he tell her husband to protect him from sin? He can be lenient and not reveal.

12. Through intellect man distinguishes between truth and falsehood, and this attribute was found in Adam perfectly and completely. But good and bad are subjective, not intellectual…and he did not have any ability to understand subjectivity such that even the most shameful, nudity, was not bad in his eyes and he did not feel shameful. But when he sinned and followed his imaginative desires and pleasurable physical feelings, as it says, ‘the tree was good to eat and a pleasure to behold’, his punishment was the partial removal of his intellectual ability, thereby, he negated his objective command and gained knowledge of subjectivity and was immersed in choosing good and bad.

13. If one removes the א from truth (אמת), despite it only being one, death (מת) results, the opposite of truth… for the blessed is one and there is no other, and therefore his seal is truth, for there is nothing singular except truth, as it is impossible to have two truths…Rav Tuvyomi was intellectual and not physical that he did not alter his speech and such a person has reached the level of truth…for man, despite having reached this level, it is impossible to remain attached to it and never be removed, for man cannot escape altering and changing the truth.

2004-05-28T10:06:00.000-04:00

Day 51, 7:2

You ever wait for something, and then it finally comes, and you just let it go past? Anyways, you'll notice day counter out of wack. What to use now as dater? To be honest, I'd really love to purjerize Matt's t-minus. but i'll think of something.

For those of us departing for DC - pack light, its a long walk.

2004-05-25T14:19:00.000-04:00

Day 49, 6:7

Shavuot

You ready? Going to learn tonight? cause here we are. I will post the source sheet for the lesson i will be giving 12:00 or 3:00 (don't know) at the BAYT. 613 clark, 3rd floor. come and find out, or check back friday sometime. chave a chappy chag.

2004-05-19T22:53:00.000-04:00

Day 44, 6:2

Friendship

You ever have doubts? Okay, let's get it out in the open. Some people are afraid their friends don't actually like them. They will never know for sure. This stems from a lack of self-esteem. or maybe lack of trust. The problem is when you begin to beat yourself up over it. Where you feel like whatever you do isn't enough. I think there are good elements to that emotion. Is it possible to have too much feeling of inadequacy? That I don't know. We have to grow. Its the only way out of here. But it can also destroy one's life, if one become's obssesed with it. Unless one doesn't mind living as social recluse. But do you mind? Is happiness rooted in having frienship? And, for that matter, does happiness result only from accomplishment? I feel like it does, and I constantly feel lack of self-accomplishment, but I also usually feel happy. So now one gets into the problem of heart feelings versus head feelings. When my head is happy, my heart has to compensate by saying, "How dare you rejoice, you worthless vermin?" and when my heart is happy, my head says, "how dare you rejoice, you have done nothing?" and then i should be sad. but i'm happy. and now i'm confused. Why was I so happy? What causes my intersparced periods of depression? there's some food for thought.
(special thanks to David Selesnick)

Summary:
Self-esteem leads to arrogance: is this a problem?
lack of self-esteem leads to sadness: how can this be solved?

Is there a balance? Where?

2004-05-16T23:21:00.000-04:00

Day 41 5:6

Sleep

You ever master the balance of sleep? I can't. It's a fine line. You can sleep too much, and then you're tired. You can sleep too little, and then you're also tired. It's a hard balance to master. Someone please teach me the art.

2004-05-14T16:15:00.000-04:00

Day 38 5:3

mysteries

You ever talk to a person and realize you know nothing about them? When a person talks, they carry all their years of baggage. However, if the talker talks with baggage, the listner listens with baggage. I just realized I know nearly nothing about most people's lives. I can't talk to anyone properly. My teachers, my friends, what do I really know about their innermost emotions?

well, have a good shabbos.

GRADE 12'S = LAST SHABBOS IN CHAT

2004-05-11T18:15:00.000-04:00
Day 35 4:7

self-expression

Creativity is a snapshot of emotion. don't be afraid to take a few photographs. We even have digital publishing now. Write, paint, sculpt, compose, sketch, jot, whatever suits your fancy. Sit down one day and just write. Don't edit in your head, just let the words flow onto the page like the waters of the raging Niagara Falls. If you're brave, look at your self-portrait. If you're really brave, publish it in a blog and let the world see.

happy photographin

2004-05-09T00:57:00.000-04:00
Day 33 4:5

Inner Child

You ever have a friend where one day you sit down and have a real heart-to-heart honest conversation? He's not trying to convince you, you're not trying to convince him, but you just want to hear what the other person has to say? I wish I had more of those. Often I feel guilty that I'm trying to press an issue on others when I speak, and even when I don't, I subconsciously think I am. Be True.

2004-05-06T00:05:00.000-04:00
Day 30 4:2

Using Up Points

You ever know you're in neck deep trouble? Although I try to keep the blog only subtly religious, today I must be blunt. First off, one must know that the worst aveirah (sin) possible ever is gaavah - pride, haugtiness, arrogance. The reason for serving God is to serve God, not to look good. So, here's my theory. When one uses a mitzvah for self-gain, i.e. popularity, money, appreciation, that mitzvah doesn't go into the accumalated mitzvah points, since you didn't do it cause God said so, you did it for yourself. Same thing with suffering. Suffering boosts mitzvah points. If one uses suffering for self-gain, it cannot go in the mitzvah bank. If my hypothesis is correct, I maybe have done two real mitzvot in my life. I'm in neck deep trouble. Anyways, advice to self: be quiet. this will prevent boasting. this will keep mitzvah points.

2004-05-04T23:52:00.000-04:00
Day 29 4:1

complaining

You ever complain just to get sympathy? My thesis is the only reason to complain is to get sympathy and respect. Does it help? If you want help, ask for it. The reason you complain is to ask for help without lowering yourself to ask. Or if you really don't want help, you're just doing so people will feel for you. I feel that everytime someone complains about something, it erases it from the "Suffering bank." When we pride ourselves on our suffering, how could it be effective upstairs? We're using it down here. more to come on this.

2004-05-03T12:11:00.000-04:00
Day 27 3:6

Driving

You ever really suck at something reall basic? See title. I'm trying my test for the fourth time today. All my friends drive, why can't i? Its not even that, I don't like driving. Don't get me wrong, I want the ability to go from place to place, but I don't like the method. And walking gets a little obsence trying to get to places far away, like nextdoor. You know, and everyone's telling you, its so easy, you can do it, but you're thinking, "no, its really not". anyways, just a note to self:

what's easy for you may not be easy for others

2004-05-02T12:41:00.000-04:00
Day 26 3:5

HIT

You ever get to a really important and not realize it? It's like people say, "it hasn't hit me yet." It bothers me that it constantly "doesn't hit me." I mean, ever. But sometimes, believe it or not, I feel just the opposite. Sometimes I'll be sitting in a place, and feel like that moment is really really significant, but I won't know why. The moment will just hit me, even though it really shouldn't.

here's cheers to getting hit!

2004-04-29T01:28:00.000-04:00
Day 23 3:2

Putting School in Perspective
You ever take things into account and realize how little school matters. I mean, dear God, binomial distribution, if haven't met something that'll revolutionize humanity and spawn a Golden Age better than that ... i'll shoot myself. There's so much more than marks and diplomas. As such, I encourage each person to write their next essay/project/assignment/quiz/demo/test/exam/FPT/SAT/ETC in blog format. This is a note to Ms. Kolesnikova - if you like my blog, you'll love my data project.

As the great Mark Twain said (or was it Samuel) (anyone get the reference?) "Never let school get in the way of your education."

Amen, preach on, testify, you home now.

2004-04-28T18:07:00.000-04:00
Day 22 3:1

Absurdosity
You ever feel the urge to be really nonsensical. I mean, frickle dripper teasle. Just make no sense at all. None. Zippo. Zippuriato. Xnilquad. In honour of this desire, I have reworked a famous peice.

"Once upon a long long time ago, in a far-off, yet not completly undemocratic, however funky place lived a king. he gave flying fadoos. He kicked his beaver. The End"

2004-04-27T22:44:00.000-04:00
Day 22, 3:1
The Hour of the Cucumber

You ever been up so late even the word cucumber is funny? I think my last cucumber hour started in the 60's. But I find my best work comes out late at night, the hours of 2-4. peace, quiet, the exhaustion from one day and anticipation of another. and everything's funnier. and more frightening. So who's not excited to sleep less than 10 hours in total this week cause of too much work?

2004-04-25T16:51:00.000-04:00
Day 19 2:5
willpower

You ever been gone to sleep or eaten just cause you could? I think most natural elements, like exhaustion, like hunger, could be battled with just a little more willpower. Now, that's not to say its all willpower. I mean, those africans gots lots of willpower, just no food. But us of the macdonalds and howard johnson hemisphere. No one feels tired waking up on the day of their wedding. Almost every problem people I know voice wouldn't be an issue if they were willing to cope with it. but they don't. they complain.
As crowds are oft to exclaim,
"START A CHANT! START A CHANT! START A CHANT!"

2004-04-24T22:20:00.000-04:00
Day 19 2:5

dumbness

You ever realize how stupid we really are? I mean, anybody is allowed to criticize anything he wants without knowing the half of it. "The Arabs are stupid" - oh, so now you're the great expert on Arab relations? "The torah must be fake" - sweetie, i know people who spend 10 hours a day learning about the Torah and have barely scratched the surface, now your the next Moshe? Heck, "this beer tastes like piss" - 'cause you know what that tastes like, right?!

It's so darn east to criticize based on ignorance. If you don't have anything intelligent to say, then ... your normal. so be quiet. note to self, shut up more often.

2004-04-22T17:21:00.000-04:00
Day 16 2:2

You ever get an odd story come your way? Today in writers we had to write short stories in 5 minutes about topics on slips of paper. Its long, but worth a read.

Relate a story about a teacher/relative/kid who you knew when you were younger.

Bobby was never what you'd call a normal kid. By any means. Unless normal is consistently biting your leg. Then he'd be normal. But since that's not normal, he was not normal. Bob had a bunch of other quirks too, like the time he ate a lampshade. He wanted to glow in the dark. He would've eaten the lightbulb too, but he had long since passed out from the vinyl.
One time, Bob and I went fishing. And as we cast out our rods into the wild blue yonder, AKA, mill pond, which, at best, has 3 geese and an old copy of Farmhouse floating around in the water, we knew our lives would never be the same again, cause as we cast out our lines, Bob yelled, "I'M FAKING IT!"
I said, "Sure, leg-bitey".
He said, "No, really, I don't honestly have an addiction to the tender taste of tibia."
"What?" said I.
We stared awkwardly at each other for 3 seconds, which felt like 4.5. "So..." Stuttered I, aghast, "What's doing?"
"Not much" said he. I persisted staring blankly a little while longer.
"Ok, never mind this." I left.
I hear that he's a lawyer somewhere. I really wish it hadn't ended like that. I mean, where else could I go to have my best man walking down the aisle, while pausing to gnaw his knee? He's a good lawyer. Wife's annoying, though. She's my sister. They live in Kapuskasing. Couldn't pay me to go there. But I miss Bob - hope to see him again one day, when I finally am relieved from my Job on SpaceLab. The mission only has 5 months left, anyways.

2004-04-21T23:42:00.000-04:00
Day 16 2:2

You ever realize how self-destructive we are? Smoking, obesity, drug, alchohol, laziness, s-x, we just kill ourselves. How powerful our urges must be if we are willing to die to fulfill them! there is a great line - you die with half your desires in your hand. get it? (to be explained at a later date for the newfoundland audience)

think about it

2004-04-21T03:09:00.000-04:00
Day 15 2:1

You ever have a crush, and then tell them? In the end, it doesn't do much. Either he/she says no, and then you have your heart slashed and emotions to deal with, or he/she says yes, and it fizzles into oblivion. Best thing to do - express yourself to yourself, and to others in poety/song/musical/riverdance form, but without names. that way, it will diffuse, and you and Bohemia will get lots out of it. and it saves money.

any time is bloggin' time

2004-04-20T22:10:00.000-04:00
Day 15, 2:1

You ever feel defeated?

Today I felt really strong feelings of inadequacy. I really am a social wreck. I wanted to reprove a religious friend of mine for talking to much to girls, but realized that it was simply transference of my own inability to deal with people, not just the YY variety.

I mean, when push comes to shove, I have very little friends. I mean, I try to be a nice guy, but really, I'm a selfish b-t-d. If i cared more about people, I would be involved with more people. Then I tried to push it off by convincing myself of my own popularity. But truly, when I think clearly, I'm a failure trying to seek recognition for half-asked projects, using inappropriate methods to try to acquire companions.

I hope tomorrow will be better. I hope I can become a human being.

2004-04-19T16:06:00.000-04:00
Day 13, 1:6

You ever look at certain parents and think, "God, who gave them their license?" And yet, it takes people less tries then its taking me to get my G2. Being a parent, I guess, is like driving a car - it scares the people around you.

2004-04-18T15:40:00.000-04:00
Day 12, 1:5
You ever wake up and feel like you were going to conquer the world by breakfast, and move on to mars by late afternoon? Why the haven't I done it yet?

"The end is within the beginning"

2004-04-17T22:57:00.000-04:00
Day 12, 1:5

Don't you hate it when you want to cry and you can't?

Niels Bohr once said, "At the opposite end of every profound truth there is another profound truth" This may very well be true for many things, but I really can't stand those people who let intellectual diarrea exist because, "who says its less true than anything else." please, excrement is for the toilet and 3-year old's curse words, not to be used by people who can count to 15.

2004-04-15T22:25:00.000-04:00
Day 10, 1:3
You ever get the feeling like you are wasting your life? Then you feel too lazy to do anything about it. Well, I do. This is basically a note-to-self : STOP WRITING BLOG AND GET BACK TO REALITY

2004-04-15T17:19:00.000-04:00
Day 9 1:2
You know when your walking, see someone you know and you say hi. Then you continue walking while they'll pause and then respond, "How are you?". By this point your already way away from earshot. ARE YOU SERIOUS! Do you actually want to know how I am? Look at me and the face, and ask me. Don't yell down the hall if you actually are interested in my condition. You just want to pretend to care. Come on!

By the way, the name of this blog seems to change daily. Suggestion box is open.

2004-04-14T11:34:00.000-04:00
Day 8, 1:1

MARRIAGE
I seem to be making many slips of the Freudian persuasion to this odd contract.
i.e.

Trying to say: I need someone to interview.
Said: I need someone to marry.
trying to say: Don't play with that knife.
Said: Don't play with that wife.
Trying to say: My mom will be mad.
Said: My wife will be mad.
trying to say: Tomorrow bringeth upon us apocalyptic doom.
Said: I need to get married.

2004-04-14T10:58:00.000-04:00
Day 8, 1:1

I wonder what'll happen after 7:7.

2004-04-10T22:32:00.000-04:00
Day 5, 0:5

Should I steal Matt's T minus idea?
Technically, I did come up with it first. Hmmmmm, ethical dilemma. I'll leave it undecided for now. In the meanwhile...